Internet Rap Battles #1- Ghost vs. Henry David Thoreau

In the first in our series of internet rap battles, we pit Henry David Thoreau, master of nonconformity and poetic idealist, against Ghost, the curmudgeonly host of True Capitalist Radio, self proclaimed "not-a-racist", and True Capitalist. I (rocknrollrocksout) play Thoreau, while Nick plays ghost. The audio is not perfect but this is just a test run, a "pilot" if you will, so keep that in mind when attempting to shower the comments section with endless invective. Leave any request for future internet rap battles below. We prefer internet meme characters, and people who are easy to costume as. We will pick the next battle of off your requests if you have good ones, although we have 5 pre-written battles that I am organizing the costumes for. Coming soon also is the end of 2011 RROROFL awards, hosted byMe, Joey, Nick, Ricky, and Mike. Thanks to Yuyang and Joey for camerawork in this video, subscribe to Joey at JoeWithTheGlasses.

Lyrics:

HDT
Welcome to Walden, I'll let your lazy self take a seat
It's time for this fat racist to at last smell defeat
You gotta believe in Nature, It's the meaning of life
So join the nonconformity and put down that knife
I ain't afraid of no ghost
I'm the poet with the most
I'll call Emerson and Hawthorne to join this roast
Of the man they call Ghost

Ghost
I'm not a racist, I kid you not!
It's baller Friday and you're missing the plot
Keep your nature and your ponies right out of my face
While I melt yours off on behalf of the American race
You condescending, hypocritical, lazy, crazy fool
Man you got fired teaching elementary school!
If you speak once more I'll slam your face to the floor
And then we'll both be happy since you can kiss the ground more

HDT
How you gonna hurt me with your 17 views?
I'm the 1800s Shakespeare, you've got less yays than boos
Imma spot the majority that is your annoyance
And amaze all my readers with my lyrical flamboyance
Man, I'm surprised you've let me speak for more than 2 seconds
Better look over that Horizon while your liver failure beckons.

Ghost
God, is this what our country has come to?
It'd take less than Rebecca Black to defeat you
Why don't you start loving your ambitions more than ferrets
And why don't you go conform and live with your parents
Oh wait, you already have
You're freaking making me laugh
I'll throw you into a woodchipper in this pearl-shooting fest
And make your ears bleed like a true capitalist!

GAME REVIEW: Battlefield 3

Not a bad game. 

MUSIC: The Top 10 Beatles Songs

Due to the Beatles being one of (if not the) greatest music artists of all time, I have decided to make a list of my ten favorite Beatles songs. These songs, requested by some of my friends, are the Beatles songs that I believe are the most artistic, well-made, and great to listen to Beatles songs. I will be making many of these top 10 (sometimes top 25 or top 50) lists, so stay tuned.

10. "Strawberry Fields Forever"

Lennon sings about how "living is easy with eyes closed" in this lyrical wonder-wall. While it's nothing to get hung about, Strawberry Fields is a musical wonder and a joy to listen to, psychedelically classical and epically colorful.

9. "Something"

Ringo gives the performance of his life in a music video accompanying a fountain of romance and doubt with a smooth melody and wonderful Harrison guitar solo.

8. "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds"

A song so influential Shatner covered it and they named a caveman after it, Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds is a perfectly confusing and mind-blowingly creative song with underlying messages of all sorts that don't even need to be analyzed to know that Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds is a roller-coaster of an emotional masterpiece.

7. "I've Got a Feeling"

A feeling deep inside told me to put this on the list. Better than the Black Eyed Peas' average party hit, I've Got a Feeling is awesome, plain and simple. Everybody had a bad year, but everybody had a good time, according to Lennon, and McCartney "has a feeling". None of this really matters, however, because the song is so brilliant in it's simplicity and its excellent guitar playing.

6. "Revolution"

An anthem so rocking, so rolling, and so communist-trolling that it couldn't be left out of the list, Revolution was the choice for my 8th grade music video project, and I have no regrets. Everything is always gonna be alright in rock-and-roll as long as Revolution is there to guide musicians with it's pristine guitar solos and sheer capacity for multimedia productions.

5. "I Want You (She's So Heavy)"

The Beatles' heaviest song is also their most simplistic- the same 14 words repeated over practically the same (save the odd solo) guitar work for almost seven minutes. The song fundamentally should fail due to its banality, but it succeeds because what little it gives it gives so fruitfully. It is long and winding, tumultuous and addictive, a song that proves the musical integrity of the Beatles with no want of color.

4. "Come Together"

The perfect accompaniment to a "shoot of coca-cola", Come Together is funky, political, crazy, calming, angering, delighting, enlightening, meaningful, meaningless, and brilliant before it even starts playing. A gigantically fantastic song, Come Together is the most head-bangable of all of the Beatles' songs, and a true example of just how well the Beatles worked together, even under pressure (although that list is for another time).

3. "Hey Jude"

A lengthy ballad about love and optimism, Hey Jude is one of the most well-remembered Beatles songs and is the one of the most hackneyed due to being overplayed. Still, Hey Jude continues to be a classic, a thoroughly enjoyable song with the greatest tangent in music history.

2. "A Day in the Life"

A lyrical giant, musical dragon, and a conveyor belt of amazement, A Day in the Life is the greatest Lennon-McCartney coalition- it is soothing, moving, grooving, and, most importantly, great to listen to. Lennon sings softly of his aloof live experiences, and half way through McCartney bursts in with a spectacle of upbeat psychedelia, only to be replaced again by Lennon. The exuberant song ends with a lengthy musical tornado and a combination of a dozen booming pianos.

1. "I am the Walrus"

I am the Walrus is sheer brilliance. It is musically entertaining, with roaring violin and Ringo's thumping drums. It doesn't need a message to bring across it's musical euphoria- in fact Lennon wrote the song to confuse song analysts (including his old music teacher). This song of the upmost trollery is my favorite because it is simple and complicated, random and robust, angry and happy. It is sheer quality, a song that never gets old listening to. This song's case for being my #1 is definitely not unassisted by the fact that my favorite band, Oasis, made a superb cover of the song. I am the Egg-man, they are the Egg-men, I am the Walrus!

GAME REVIEW: The Elder Scrolls: Skyrim

        Spearheading a year of evolution, revolution, and profound gaming excellence, The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim is a pristine role-playing game that gets almost everything right. What Skyrim doesn't do right, it does it in the rightest way possible, allowing for an experience beyond anything ever before expressed in the gaming world.
        As a gamer, I have tended to go for more casual, easy-going, multiplayer centric games in recent times, playing games like LittleBgPlanet, Fifa, and Rock Band (although I have played Infamous and Uncharted). For this reason, Skyrim was a completely new experience for me. Having never touched an Elder Scrolls game, Skyrim made me feel somewhat left out from a long-running tale of lore, myth, and fantasy. Luckily, this game is idiosyncratic enough to allow gamers to jump in and play, as it refers to ancient lore from previous games while containing a Lord-of-the-Rings-esque story if it's own. Skyrim's graphics are solid, it's music flawless, and it's gameplay astounding. But what makes Skyrim stand out is not it's production value or it's thrilling combat, it's Skyrim's awe-inspiring amount of missions, allowing hundreds of hours to be drafted into the game- each of of them more exciting than the last.
   
     GRAPHICS
     Bethesda's games are not usually noted for their graphical intensity, but they have always been solid. Everything in Skyrim is polished and the world looks amazing in it's full wonder. Some parts if the game are prone to glitches, with the odd frame-rate stumble now and again that becomes more frequent as the game progresses and the save file enlarges. With this easily patchable flaw aside, however, Skyrim is graphically impressive- it's presentable, atmospheric, and well-toned.

     SOUND & MUSIC
     It is impressive how Bethesda had the time to put in over 100 locations, 1000 missions, dozens of dragon boss fights and thousands of NPCs into a game and still produce an astounding soundtrack. One of my friends actually mistook the sounds of my brother playing Skyrim for the music from the Lord of the Rings- revealing the power of the music, the epic symphonies that are instrumental to the behemoth that is Skyrim. This titanic soundtrack is boosted by good weapon sounds, great ambient effects, and fitting (yet increasingly repetitive) voiceovers.

     STORY
     In Skyrim you get to create your own character. You choose the looks and race and name, and then begin life as an adventurer. The story takes place in the titular realm, Skyrim, where a bloody civil war is raging, only made worse by the revival of the long dead dragon race. You, the last of the almighty "dragon borns" must use your power of the "voice"- the language of dragons, to use "shouts"- dragon powers, to defeat the dragons and put an end to the madness. On the way you can help out many of the local Jarls (akin to mayors or governors) of towns, become Thanes (nobles) of towns, help out civilians, join guilds (The Thieves Guild, the Companions Warrior Guild, The Dark Brotherhood, and many more). Along the way you'll do missions in a plethora of locations, buy horses, houses, weapons, items, armor, food and animals, and tone your skills in fighting, magic, lock-picking, and many other areas. You can even get married, become a student, and fight villains from trolls to vampires, You'll meet witches, mammoths, pilgrims, salesmen, and priests, and you'll go to and escape jail, bribe guards, and hire guards of your own. Skyrim is something else- a game that could only be gotten if you went to an alchemy lab and mixed Fallout, The Sims, Grand Theft Auto, Lord of the Rings, and Final Fantasy into one game and multiplied it by ten. Skyrim is 9000 times better than Duke Nukem Forever and it spent half the time to create. It's incredible.

     GAMEPLAY
     Control-wise, Skyrim is nothing new- L1 and R1 are the attack buttons (each hand respectively), and each can be equipped to combat weapons or magic powers (however there are powerful but slow two-handed weapons). Players can use first or third person, and have the ability to pick up items, talk with people, jump, run (a stamina bar checks this), wait, sleep, move items, sneak, lock-pick, attack, travel to locations, shoot arrows in first person, train in skills, absorb dragon souls, do magic, climb mountains, swim, aim, steal, cheat, lie, help, and heal all with the use of a fathomable control system. The combat is fun- although I think the melee combat is superior to the bow and arrow combat. You can explore catacombs, castles, dungeons, shops, houses, fortresses, lakes, rivers, mountains, barrows, farms, mills, mines and villages, on the way killing bandits, hunting deer, rampaging as a were-wolf (you read that right), doing good deeds for the king, and, of course, dragon-slaying. The game has an autosave feature and a manual save one, the manual one working to the players' advantage the majority of the time, and players can travel on foot, in carriage, on horse, or through teleportation depending on the location or the availability of transport. Weapons vary- axes, swords, daggers, bows, war hammers, and shovels among others, and destruction magic, dragon shouts, and good ol' fight-fightin' are also always avilable. Magic powers are upgraded and discovered as the game progresses, and range from healing to creating light to summoning the ghosts of animals (akin to Potter's patronuses). As missions continue, new options become available, and your inventory largens. Watch out as there is a weight limit (a good reason to buy a house to store stuff in). To talk of the gameplay in full would be to write a 900-page novel, but you get the picture.

     REPLAY VALUE
     Overall, Skyrim is devastating to the chances of a better RPG to be made anytime soon, but I know nothing of RPGS and I've heard a lot of hype about Mass Effect 3. With a millennium of gameplay available here, gamers really couldn't do better.

MUSIC: The Top 10 Songs of 2011

Musically, 2011 was moderately good. It was a year of rises and returns, breakthroughs and breakups. My favorite band, Oasis, split apart and created two equally impressive bands- Liam Gallagher's raw Beady Eye and Noel Gallagher's reserved High Flying Birds. Adele was most impressive, stunning with a phenomenal album and topping both of Rolling Stone's best of the year (albums and songs) lists. The Beastie Boys and The Red Hot Chili Peppers both made fantastic comebacks, with innovative yet faithful musical adventures, and the radically annoying yet interestingly moving Dub-step genre was processed. NicePeter successfully continued his Epic Rap Battles Series, bringing it to new comedic heights and prepping for  Season 2 coming soon, and The Lonely Island's "Turtle Neck and Chain" album was mightily entertaining. Without further ado, here are the 10 best songs of 2011 in my opinion.

Honorable Mentions:
Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds, "Everybody's on the Run"
Leslie David Baker, "2 Be Simple"
The Lonely Island, "Jack Sparrow"


10. Alex S. ft. Ghost, "Melting Pot of Alcohol"

The only dubstep song of the year that I liked was also the funniest, combining the atrocity of Friendship is Magic with the creativity of the internet  and the hilarity that is the Texas radio host Ghost, a racist "not-a-racist" whose trolling has been some of the funniest in internet history. Alex S' spectacular dub-step combine with the violent southern accent of Ghost to create a captivating ballad for the ages.

9. The Lonely Island, "Threw it on the Ground"

Andy Sandberg's outrageously funny yet surprisingly clean raging vocal fable melted together rants against "the system" and outbursts against the fundamental objects of life- objects to be thrown violently onto the ground. Unrefined, Sandberg goes on a devastating rampage, spanking the ground with cakes, phones, hotdogs, and a plethora of other objects. Eventually, however, the story is moralized- Sandberg is tazed by "Hollywood phonies" Ryan Reynolds and Elijah Wood- after rejecting an autograph they didn't even offer.

8. Beady Eye, "The Roller"

Liam Gallagher's solo endeavor was a nostalgic one, combining the feel-good effervescence of the Beatles with the somewhat youthful and punkish tone of Liam's side of Oasis. The Roller has the feel of a Lennon song (in fact the melody is from a Lennon song), with a beautifully old-fashioned music video with a hint of futurism. While Liam's songwriting is not in the same league as that of his brother Noel, "The Roller" proves his melodic intuition and his sheer lust for rock and roll.

7. Coldplay, "Every Teardrop is a Waterfall"

Coldplay had a sort of rebirth this year with the shockingly original Mylo Xyloto album. The album's main single, an uplifting tune of the grace of music screamed above a blissful guitar, is creative and effective, and will undoubtedly become an arena anthem for young people to scream for years to come.

6. Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds, "The Death of You and Me"

The second half of Oasis, Noel Gallagher presented an outstanding new album this year, my personal favorite album of the year, Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds. A promising start to the child band of Oasis, The High Flying Birds' album proves just how fundamentally different Noel and Liam were in Oasis. Calm, joyful, orchestral, and quietly loud, Noel's band is the superior of the two in both songwriting and sheer listenability. "The Death of You and Me" presents a somewhat familiar Noel song- but one that spearheads the superb album and brings out Noel's true inner ability.

5. SuperHeavy, "Miracle Worker"

The most pretentious and the most courageous song of the year, "Miracle Worker" is a spectacle of true brilliance. The outrageous Mick Jagger (the only man with moves like himself, by the way), the delighting David "Brother Gong" Marley and the powerful Joss Stone combine with the musical greats A.R. Rahman and Dave Stewart to produce a single of monumental soul. Jagger screams of how his "love laser" will "regenerate your heart" in this funky reggae hit that is certainly not just a gimmick.

4. Foster the People, "Pumped Up Kicks"

A pop anthem with a disturbing underlying message, "Pumped Up Kicks" is a seemingly happy song when listened to by those who don't realize its about youth violence. This should stay this way, as the nascent group Foster the People have created an ecstatic song that works auditory wonders with its innocent simplicity and brilliant tune.

3. Beastie Boys, "Make Some Noise"

Who'd have thought that old people could rap? Well, at least the Beastie Boys can. In their first vocal single for a while, the Beastie Boys spit out some intense rhymes over a star-studded music video of unmatched swag. The Beastie Boys yell at their followers to "party for the (...) right to fight" while practically listing reasons why they are the best rappers in town. And rightly so.

2. Adele, "Rolling in the Deep"




By far the strongest female singer on the scene today, Adele and her utterly fantastic "Rolling in the Deep" make all of the other female singles (Lady Gaga, etc.) look (and sound) like they are literally rolling in the derp. A beautiful voice screaming lyrics of nuclear anger and powerful perfection, "Rolling in the Deep" is a true ballad for our time. The Thornberry remix might just have it beat, though.

1. Red Hot Chili Peppers, "The Adventures of Rain Dance Maggie"

Overcoming the remarkable Adele, hilarious Beastie Boys, and both sides of Oasis, the Chili Peppers, minus the legendary guitarist John Fruciante and plus a new level of spirit, have released the best song of the year- a rockin' guitar anthem of meticulous funk and a moustachin' beat. By far the most entertaining song of the year. 

QUICK REVIEW: "Filler 2" is Intensely Difficult

Filler 2
Click to play this game.

"Filler" was a great game, a flash game where you had to fill up 2/3 of the screen with balls. Now Filler 2 is out, and it's even greater. With an all new challenge mode, this game is certainly recommended.

EDITORIAL: 2011 in Film

With the end of the year and the 2011 RROROFL awards coming up, I thought it proper to make an overview of the films that I saw this year in theaters. Admittedly, 2011 was not one of the strongest years for movies. Screens were littered with sour sequels, pointless remakes, and a plethora of downright awful cash-ins. This year it was gaming that took the spotlight, but that isn't to say that there weren't any good films out this year. In this editorial, I will split the 32 new films I saw this year into categories based on how god they were: Superb, Good, OK, and Awful, and announce the seven films competing for this year's Best Film RROROFL. The best and worst films will have descriptions, while the middling films will just have the names. Note: I have not yet seen Sherlock Holmes 2 or Tintin, and I expect I will like both of them enough to give them a nomination, but since they are not out I cannot. 

Superb Films
Rango (RROROFL Nominee)

This spectacular animated film from Nickelodeon was a breath of fresh air- a mouthwateringly beautiful cartoon shown in traditional 2D and owning an omniscient flair that set it apart from all of the other animated flicks this year. With superb voice acting, exciting action, and a tremendously funny screenplay, Rango was definitely the surprise critical success of the year.






Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 (RROROFL Nominee)

The final film in J.K. Rowling's phenomenal Harry Potter series was also the most fast-paced and watchable movie of the series. It was a perfect end to the series, combining top-notch acting with impeccable production design and clever dialogue. Hopefully, this will win some Oscars.


X-Men: First Class (RROROFL Nominee)

Marvel's new "We'll do things properly" idea worked varyingly well this year, although all of the studio's films were at least decent. X-Men: First Class, the only prequel of the three Marvel films this year, was also the best. With suave acting and a fun production, First Class was a powerful Marvel film, although does the announcement of a new Spiderman film foreshadow the downfall of superhero cinema?








Super 8 (RROROFL Nominee)

Spielberg, you've done it again. While not wholly original in my opinion, Super 8 was a fun ride and somewhat nostalgic of older kids films. Gritty but witty and fast-paced yet fully emotional, Super 8 was a terrific sci-fi film. If only all family films today were like this.




The Beaver (RROROFL Nominee)

While not very popular in real life this year, Mel Gibson shone on the screen in Jodie Foster's "The Beaver", an enlightening drama about a depressed man who finds both happiness and pain in a beaver hand puppet. The film explores schisms in modern families and how anyone can be affected by depression (Gibson's character is a CEO).






The Green Hornet (RROROFL Nominee)

Seth Rogen is awesome, Jay Chou is slyly funny, and Christoph Waltz is fantastically absurd in this thrilling and fun "superhero" movie. One of the better movies in 2011's early months, The Green Hornet is well worth watching.






Paul (RROROFL Nominee)

Simon Pegg & Nick Frost once again proved their worth in Paul, another film with a hilarious Seth Rogen performance that showed just how well Pegg and Frost could write without legendary Edgar Wright. I watched Paul more (5) times than any other film this year. It was a bit over the top (especially with the profanity-related jokes), but overall it was awesome.




Attack the Block

Another film starring Nick Frost, Attack the Block was a crazy sci-fi film that was actually very timely, showing well the struggles of bored youth on the streets of London. The aliens were actually original this time (completely black monkeys with only their blue teeth visible in the dark), and the action was both hilarious and awesome.




In Time

With a few plot holes here and there, In Time shied away from perfection, and was no "Inception". But Timberlake's promising performance was highlighted and the film was deviously original, possibly the next source for science memes. (Although I don't think it was influential enough for that).








Limitless

A fast-paced film with solid acting, intense action, and a triumphant ending. One for the blu-rays with it's stunningly good editing.

Hanna
A very interesting and funny film about a girl who escapes the CIA and lives a continued and confused life on the run. A great movie about power, survival, and friendship.









Johnny English Reborn

A superior sequel to the first Johnny English movie, Reborn is not amazing but has enough funny scenes to keep kids and parents laughing throughout. A great warmup for the upcoming bond film.









Arthur Christmas

The best Christmas film since The Polar Express. What else could you expect from Aardman? This film answers all questions about how Santa does it (although later somewhat refutes them). It is cute, intelligently written, and gorgeously animated.









Good Films:

• Captain America: The First Avenger
• Pirates of the Carribean: On Stranger Tides
• Thor
• Kung Fu Panda 2
• Cars 2
• Horrible Bosses (Would be excellent if not for Jennifer Aniston trying too hard)
• Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules
• Arthur
• Real Steel

Ok Films:

• Transformers 3
• Cowboys & Aliens
• Rio

Awful Films:

• Your Highness
• Battle: LA
• I am Number 4
• Zookeeper
• Gnomeo & Juliet
• Hop

Worst Film of the Year:

Hoodwinked Too!: Hood vs. Evil

If you were to mix every rage comic in the world, Tommy Wiseau's "The Room", the thought you get when you lose the game, MLP and 4chan into one movie, it would tower above this. Hoodwinked Too is absolutely despicable, with 90's animation quality and a horrible story. Don't ever see this. Buy your kids Rango or take them to see Arthur Christmas.